Back to 2009

I know y'all are waiting for The Epic All Anal April post, it's coming, but in the mean time I want to post about the current sports world.

If you remember back to 2009, when BMsF was in it's heyday, right around this time the Nuggets were playing outta their minds and the Royals weren't sucking. Guess what, it's happening again. Except there are two very different things happening...

The Nuggets are a totally new team. That are absolutely a blast to watch. If you didn't enjoy yesterday's game against the Lakers, then you don't enjoy sports and therefore you're gay. This is a team of scrappy players that just play hard and play together. Kenyon Martin destroyed the bitch known as Lamar Odom and Nene took down Pau - fucking Spanish douche. They clinched a playoff spot and I want anyone to provide a good reason why they can't make a deep run...

The Royals are 3-1. Let's just live in the moment. They aren't going to be great this year but they are going to decent plus they got tons of youth in the system that should kill it in the coming years. It will be fun. All 4 games this past weekend were fun.

This is the best time of the year. Spring is coming, baseball is in full swing and then NBA referee's are deciding the NBA championship. I need to make my $1800 gambling debt back very soon or else Tony is gonna be pissed. Let's hope the Royals start 34-2 or else I'm out $24,000 or if the Nuggets sweep everyone in the Playoffs, I can also win a cool $14.23. Money Money Money.

Go Nuggets. Go Royals. 

Do I Put Out A Gay Vibe? UPDATE UPDATE UPDATE

Please read the below post first.

I have an update regarding the Do I Put Out A Gay Vibe? post...

I spoke to the girl I danced/grinded with all night, who is a much more reliable source after thinking about it. I decided to ask her because I spent a lot more of my night with her, she's an extrovert, wild, and more open. I've been racking my brain with what I did that night or what Mike's girls is thinking...

This is the response from the dancer girl...
My question: "Weird question, the other girl sat night asked if I'm gay for unknown reasons - did/do I put out a gay vibe?"
Response: "U definitely do not, one of my best friends is gay & I hang out with enough gays to say absolutely not. Her gaydar must be shot"

She also mentioned I was a great dancer (not just for a white person either) - not sure if that helps my case, but I'll take it!!

Honestly, that was the best text I've received. Better than 'it's not aids, just a bad cold' or 'not pregnant' or 'earthquake in Japan, thousands lost'.

Feeling much better. I also asked a co-worker and she said no as well. So two trust worthy sources say no and one very unreliable, not accepting person thinks so. I think I'm good.

I honestly think, this other girl, is just not that open minded and didn't understand Boat Shoes or guys with good hair or guys who don't care what people think or what they say. Well I'm all of those and not been gay since '86!!!

If any of you still don't feel safe about your anuses when I'm around, we can discuss that, although I would just take it as a compliment.

As I look deeper into her response...should I be gay? Get a bunch of girls as friends and then run train? I'm thinking that might be an OK way to go about it? I would just have to work on my transitions, but I got the time. That's a post for another day (I'm already laughing, haha lol).

So all in all, this is what has come out of this incident...
- Attractive, non-judgmental girls don't find me gay, they find me fun and a great dancer. That could push me a little close to the friend zone but I'll work that out.
- Mike's girl is my #1 NEMESIS (until she explains her thoughts) HATE HATE HATE! 

What a roller coaster 2.5 days. I think I learned a lot and am ready to move on. I'll continue being myself because I'm FUCKING AWESOME!!!!!!!!!

NOT GAY!!!!

(but supportive)

Do I Put Out A Gay Vibe?

I ask this question,  do I put out a gay vibe? Because, last night me and some other people went to Beta, only because we got hooked up and swagged out. Two of the people that went were Mike and his 'lady friend' (a weird situation)...and I guess today she asked Mike if I was literally gay. I'm not sure if Mike said that I wasn't but that's not the point. I guess she thought I was too 'put together' and 'stylish' and that's what she was basing her judgment off of.

What the fuck? Because I shower? Because I wear Boat Shoes to dance in? Because I have hair and choose to style it? Maybe it was me grinding with another girl for 2 hours straight - could that have been confusing? Maybe because after the grinding it looked like I had a can of pringles in my pants? Maybe I was having too much fun? Maybe because I drank 3/4s of a bottle of vodka by myself? Maybe because I didn't try and hit on her? Maybe because I was throwing money around like it's going out of style? I'm trying to figure this out...

Honestly, I don't care, I'm just confused (not sexually, confused about her question). Do more girls feel this way? Am I constantly vibing gay? This girl seems nice, she seems a little introverted and calm - maybe I shocked her with the story of a girl throwing up in my car? Maybe she just hates me? But seriously do I put out a gay vibe?

Are you my readers, concerned about your ass holes when I'm around? Well maybe in April, but any other time?

I'm going to ask this girl in person to tell me why she thought that. I'm also going to ask the girl I danced with all night...did she just dance with me because she thought I was gay? That girl is kind of slutty, so I'm not sure she'll be a great resource. Maybe, Saturday I just gayed it up.

I'm somewhat taking it as a compliment. You know, girls are always looking for gay friends, so I could fill that niche but then I just have to figure out how to work that into straight sexual intercourse. Which, correct me if I'm wrong, is when a penis and vagina do something?? Who knows.

But honestly, let me know, if I'm putting out a gay vibe. I'm just trying to be fun, a douche, honest, stylish, well groomed - - and if that makes a man gay then maybe I want to be gay. Because no vagina is worth being boring, nice, deceitful, un-stylish, and dirty aka Mexican!!

And if I can't convince her otherwise, well then I can only do one thing, fuck her right then right there and give her the best straight lovin' a man ever has!! HAZAA!!!


BTW - Found this video of me dancing on Saturday night on YouTube, I don't see anything wrong or gay with it, except maybe I went a little bit heavy on the spray tan?!?! Maybe you see something different?

Sittin' Here/Drinkin'/Listenin' to Music/Writin' a Poli Sci Paper

I deeply miss college. Not just the crazy orgies and drug binges, but also the work, the lively and challenging conversations. I just plain miss college. Professional life is boring, it's stagnant, it's uneventful.

Sure every day I walk to my cubicle, I don't know how many trucks of Mexi Rebar I'm going to buy but if it's one or 3 million, it's all the same. There is no difference. I often find myself making mistakes simply for the chance to correct those mistakes at a later point. Do I want the Chinese to ship entirely wrong material? No, of course not. Do I want to spend an entire day yelling at the Chinese for shipping the wrong material in fortune cookie fashion? Of course. That would be like...You will be getting butt fucked for fucking me - learn english...FUCK YOU.

I like homework. I like group assignments. I like talking about nothing but having it mean so much more.

I don't enjoy my lack of lumbar support. I don't like talking about growing up and getting married or having several Tim Jr's. running around.

I do like politics. I don't like business politics. It's so fucking stupid and just fucking slows down the entire process. Fuck bosses.

Am I done at 24 (almost 25)? It feels that way. Every day I wake up and wonder, how can I continue to get excited for the same shit, day in, day out. At least in college, it was a different discussion each day, a different STD each day.

But now my Herpes has cleared. Sure they say you can never get rid of herpes but let's face it, who cares? It's a battle wound. The girls I meet these days are ambitious. Looking for something. They aren't looking for their purse and a way out of my bed. They're looking for a future, for stability. What the fuck is that?

Are any of my skills sharpening? No. They are decreasing. I have nothing right now, I have boredom and complacency. But that does provide me with one thing...

It provides me with a way out. It provides me with something to look for, something to look forward to. Who knows what is on the horizon. But I can only hope it's not this for another 50 years. Sure I have good memories and good stories but what happened after 23?? Is there anything? Yes. I must push forward. Possibly I start small. Win a summer softball championship and then continue moving on. Maybe I buy a bike and just start riding. Maybe I go to Vegas and win a ton of money, marry a hooker and settle down.

I don't know. I'm looking for stories to tell, stories to enlighten, but there's nothing. Right now. I need to go back to school. I need to learn more and explore more. I mean for god sakes - - ALL ANAL APRIL starts in just over a week. I gotta get that shit on lock down. I'm not going to lie, if you're in school right now, it's probably the best time you'll ever have. Unless you get a job at an Arts and Craft store and meet the parrot, I mean, girl of your dreams.

I don't want to be debbie downer but that's what a little alcohol does for me these days.

My bracket failed this year. Out over a grand. But don't worry, money is the least of my problems. Just remember, two years ago I was just like you but now not two years removed from my undergraduate studies, I'm bored, I'm angry, still horny but I mean come on, that's for life.

Has this just been a post of rambling? Of course. Will I have an eventful story soon? Probably not. Although there is a concert coming up that will involve copious amounts of drugs, so hopefully that night will provide something solid.  There is still the same CcT somewhere. He is somewhere. He will emerge sometime soon. Just have patience. He appeared in Europe. He appeared in some basketball games this year. He's found his dream girl. He likes music, too much. He likes baseball, too much. He's got a 10 page paper to write on the IMF and Globalization for a girl he works with. He's improving. Soon he'll be back. Hopefully, by the time summer rolls around so he can enjoy the warm weather in jean shorts and a mustache and a PBR.

Life will continue. I love life. I love myself, to the point of chaffing.

The EXCITING Weekend of a 24 Year Old

One of the great features of BMsF of the past were the true (even though many people felt they were fabricated) stories that happened to CcT. These were often very simple events but spun into great stories that even Great Gatsby couldn't compete with - I think that makes sense?? Well as you have noticed, since college ended and my professional career began - these stories are non existent, for one very good reason: There have been no stories...but that all changed (not really, just felt like writing).

I wanted to try and get a story up that shows what an exciting weekend is to a 24 year old. I understand that my general readership is younger - not "I'm Chris Hansen" young but still young enough to have fun. So even though this was a weird weekend, it's probably nothing compared to what y'all did....

Some names have been changed...for no apparent reason...I go by Steve Stephens Stephenson III....

Thursday / March 3, 2011 - Story starts after work...

6:15 pm - Went to the Dentist, got loaded on novocain and had 2 cavities filled.  I think I was given way too much novocain for the procedure but who am I to complain? Pretty pissed that the dum dums and coke finally caught up to me but that's why I have dental insurance and a membership to Sam's Club, don't fucking forget that I'm a professional.

7:00 pm - Went home, grabbed some food - pretty sure it was Reese's Peanut Butter Hearts and Mountain Dew Voltage (PROFESSIONAL DINNER). Could only use the right side of my mouth, since the left side was still numb, I drooled quite a bit but as always, looked damn good doing it. Changed shirts and watched the Royals on TV.

10:00 pm - Decided to go out with this girl, Erin. A little girl background...only hung out a few times, only knew her for about three/four weeks - who the fuck cares. We had a mutual friend. I never wanted/expected anything to come from this friendship/acquaintance, just have some fun and then go our own ways. Nut up or shut up, that sounds kinda gay. Anyways, we started hanging out at her house, smoking and drinking with a few other people...

Friday / March 4, 2011

1:30 am - By now it was just me and Erin - we decided we'd venture out, head downtown. What a fucking pair of dumb asses. 1:30 am Friday morning, shit is shutting down. Everything is dead or dying. We couldn't find anything, but I definitely should not have been driving. So after driving around just chillin' - listening to music and smoking some more (not in the car), we decided to head back. Coming back on I-25, right past I-25 and Yale she looks at me with a pale face and says "I'm not feeling real good..." next thing I know, brahhhhhh brrrrrrrrrruhhhhh, vomit spewing as if Mount Vesuvius was in the passenger seat. The passenger side floor mat was covered, at least she had the common sense/decency to contain it all into that area. Well the smell started to fill the car, not sure what she had for dinner, but it sure as hell was no Reese's Peanut Butter Hearts and Mountain Dew Voltage. Well I skid to a stop on the side of I-25, getting out and trying to avoid the vomit chain reaction. She's able to finish on the side of the road, I'm able to carefully lift up the floor mat and dump it's contents on the side of the interstate. Avoiding any major fiasco - it could have been MUCH worse.

2:30 am - I'm able to drop her off at her home and wish her a good life. You DO NOT FUCK WITH MY CAR, even if it's an accident.

2:45 am - I make it home. Thank god I had an old set of floor mats that I was easily able to put in the car and for the most part make most of the incident disappear. I sprayed some febreze and armor alled (?) the components. I cleaned any carpet and upholstery that had any traces of vomit. Sprayed some more febreze and if you never knew this took place you would never know. Remember I did all this drunk/hung over and a little high, it came out very nice. In fact, someone rode in that exact seat on Saturday and didn't know one thing - he did point out my poor speaker system, fucker...

3:20 am - I finally climb into bed after deleting Erin's number from my phone. She might have been too much fun.

6:00 am - Wake up, shower, drink coke and mountain dew, down Advil.

7:00 am - Go to work

7:15 am - Decking meeting. The topic: How can we expand our 4+ million dollars of sales in the Denver market over the next year? Answer: Burn all current decks to the ground (not really).

4:45 pm - Go home

5:15 pm - Plan a nap. Have plans at 10:00 with this girl, Rachael. A little girl background...been hanging out for about four months. Met each other via a coworker. Real cool girl, just simple, hang out once a week or so and have fun. Nothing crazy. Set my alarm for 9:00 pm so I can meet up with her. Don't fall asleep till like 7:00 pm.

Saturday / March 5, 2011

11:00 am - Wake up, confused out of my fucking mind. Realized I slept for 16 hours and missed all plans. Have 3 missed calls from Rachael, an angry voice mail and a several profane texts. She does not respond to anything I send her (still hasn't).

11:45 am - Go to get a hair cut. Nice and relaxing, short hair again. Forget about everything else.

1:00 pm - Go jogging with Moose (Este).

2:00 pm - Set plans to play racquetball and basketball at 3:30 pm with Koko and GG, why the fuck not?

3:15 pm - Go to pick up GG and buy racquetballs at Sports Authority. Asian kid at Sports Authority recognizes me from Arapahoe, my only assumption is that he was part of my Korean Gang, the Chinese Dragons. We were huge. Legen - wait for it - dary. Got very angry at Sports Authority when I realized that Racket sports only have a small corner not near any other athletic gear. What the fuck??

3:45 pm - Dominate racquetball and basketball, of course....

6:30 pm - Get food, make up a story so I don't have to hang with Koko for the rest of the night. Talk to Mikey.

8:00 pm - Get home, change, rest up - possibly look at porn - no possibly, I do look at porn.

9:15 pm - Head out towards Wash Park.

9:35 pm - Get to a small bar in Wash Park, drink and play darts. Mike leaves at like 10:00 pm.

11:30 pm - Me and two others head towards another bar at 6th and Logan. Decent scene. Used a Saab pick up line, didn't hit.

Sunday / March 6, 2011

12:39 am - One of the guys I was with starts talking to this obliterated chick. I mean obliterated - she has NO clue what is going on. Spend the rest of the night just drinking and hanging out.

1:30 am - Last call. Obliterated girl, still with us. Falls off stool - fucking hilarious. We face a moral dilemma, what do we do with this girl? If I would have been 21 I would have bailed and left her to get raped or kill several others in a car crash. Since we're somewhat good people we decided we'd try and get her home (and then rape her - 100% joke). We were able to get her address from her and then realized that she lived north of Stapleton, basically at MLK Blvd and Quebec. Well fuck...

1:45 am - Pile into my car, of course. She's starting to come to a little and promises us some weed, not very interested just trying to stay alive. She then calls her boyfriend (even though she apparently tried several times previously for a ride) and gives me the phone so I can explain the situation, I don't and he seems a little drunk and pissed that three guys are driving his girlfriend home. We're all starting to get a little STARTLED.

2:10 am - Start getting close to her house, which she owns and pays a mortgage on, except it was an apartment complex. Retard. Side note...funny joke that seems to always make people laugh no matter the situation. Whenever you pull into a somewhat seedy area, hit the door lock button on the car, especially if you have loud door locks like mine, it is a riot. No one can resist the perfect timing of 4 doors locking simultaneously. CLASSIC.

2:15 am - Park at her apartment complex. Try and get her to her apartment, climb the outside stairs to her supposed door. She can't find her keys. Dumps out her entire purse on the steps. She then slowly rolls down the stairs in a moment of mixed sadness and hilarity. We do what any drunk guys would do, haul ass....for no real reason except that we'd had enough. One guy didn't notice the chain that was hanging about 1 foot off the ground. He ate shit in the parking lot. Again, hilarious. He got pretty beat up but nothing major.

2:25 am - Peel out of the parking lot, start driving back towards the first bar. Realize the guy who fell does not have his cell phone. We all start screaming, again no apparent reason, make a mad Uie and spend a few moments searching for the phone where he fell. All the while, obliterated girl is still laying at the bottom of the stairs. Find phone.

2:30 am - Crank the techno, get out of the hood. Followed by a cop for several blocks. I mean 3 white kids in a black Saab around MLK at 2:30 Sunday Morning driving drunk - not good.

2:55 am - Arrive back at bar one. Everyone gets in their respective cars and we leave.

3:15 am - After driving the speed limit all the way, finally get home. Watch Frasier, need some smart humor. Fall asleep.

11:00 am - Wake up. Watch Date Night staring Steve Carell and Tina Fey, not great. Ate more Reese's Peanut Butter Hearts.

1:30 pm - Did laundry. Cleaned. Napped.

6:30 pm - Went to the horses, brushed them, rode one...saw a pack of coyotes, thought I was gonna die. Didn't.

8:30 pm - Picked up food.

9:30 pm - Took out the trash.

10:00 pm - Showered and watched Seinfeld.

11:00 pm - Porn and Music.

Monday / March 7, 2011

12:05 am - Bed.

6:00 am - Woke up

7:00 am - Went to work.

5:40 pm - Came home from work.

7:00 pm - Ate Chili - homemade.

8:00 pm - Blogged.



The above events are 100% true and accurate as far as I can remember. As you were probably thinking, I should have lied since it sounded so gay. But that is a 100% true account of one weekend of a professional 24 year old, who is really clinging to scraps of his once former greatness.

I hope you enjoyed it. I know it's nothing like your life but still I've lived many great nights before, this was just a weird set of nights that I thought I should share.

Sorry for the grammar and spelling errors.

Juggalo or Juggalette

Had a recent discussion with someone regarding cult/gang/weirdos that worship Insane Clown Posse (ICP) - which are labeled Juggalo or Juggalette . I think we can all remember these kids from school. Wearing black, spiked hair, trying to act really bad ass but in all honesty they encompassed the outside douche bag that had no friends besides other ICP fags. They thought life was so hard and everyone hated them, that's why they needed to be like that but in actuality it was because they were like that, that everyone hated them.  Well I found this recently released video by ICP (check the video below), that I really think shows that they have real talent, it is so deep, just take a look at this verse...

"Water, fire, air and dirt - fuckin' magnets, how do they work? And I don't want to talk to a scientist, y'all motherfuckers lying and gettin' me pissed"

Rewind Yourself

I was just listening to a KC radio interview regarding the youth of the Royals. One of players in for the interview was Jason Kendall - an aging, not very solid catcher - who for some reason plays for the Royals. However, this is not a Royals post, there will be plenty of those shortly. This post is for a an excellent catch phrase that Jason Kendall yelled during the interview, that I will attempt to make the catch phrase of the year....

REWIND YOURSELF

Those two words are going to be uttered by me every chance I get. Even if I don't use them in the correct context, it doesn't matter, because they can be used in any circumstance. For instance..

• You suck at basketball...REWIND YOURSELF
• Well that only lasted for 5 seconds....YOU BEST REWIND YOURSELF
• Hey 30 people just died in a fiery car crash....AWWW SHIT REWIND YOURSELF

Any time you feel that someone needs to REWIND THEMSELVES just shout those two words. You can change it up by throwing a unique phrase in front of it or just say them alone. You can softly speak it, shout it, speak it as if you are retarded. However you want, just start making people REWIND.

Help me in getting this catch phrase out. Use it any chance you get. Share it around, I want the rest of 2011 to be the year of the REWIND.